Never again will I plan to take finals, pack/move/clean an apartment, and drive 12 hours in one week. Never again. It was almost too much to accomplish, but being me, I like challenges and I took to it like a champ.
I finished finals and after a three-year break from school, my first semester back I made the Dean's List :) The only sucky part about this is it looks like I'll have to take the entire Spring semester off next year due to us moving and them not offering 8 week courses at the new school I will be applying at. Bummer.
I had planned to sleep the night before driving from Louisiana to my mom's house (approximately 11&1/2-12 hours of straight driving) but we had assholes in the room below us in our hotel. They were slamming their door and yelling ... at 11pm! I was so irritated and wanted to leave a nasty little passive-aggressive note on their door, but I resisted. After this continuing for 20 or so minutes I just decided that my 2hour nap was enough and for the little man and I to head out on the road. I made it approximately 6&1/2 hours, 50 miles outside Memphis, TN and had to pull over and take a 45-minute nap. I'm sure the kiddo and I passed out in my car at the rest stop was a sight.
And so now we're in Tennessee visiting with family. Ah, the holidays + family = blessing/curse. Does anyone else have a family that constantly argues? I suppose that's normal within bigger families like mine. At some point someone is getting on someone else's nerves only to be replaced by two different people an hour from now. Lovely.
Driving around on Fort Campbell yesterday really made me miss it. It made Polk look even more so like the shithole that it's known for. I told people should we get orders for there again, I'm staying behind to work on my master's. This is always followed with someone telling me I haven't even finished the first part of my degree yet ... exactly. I refuse to live there again. God bless anyone else who comes across this blog and is heading to that duty station. My prayers are with you!
I think since the craziness has finally died down and I don't feel consumed by studying and still being super mom/wife, I'll be blogging a little bit more often. I hope everyone is having a great holiday so far!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
December Time Table!
I keep walking past my fridge just to look at the time table I made up and posted on the fridge. It's all about keeping your eyes on the prize and the prize is leaving Louisiana! I figured I would share it with everyone!
December 2nd - Final & class
Dec 3rd - Class, moving inspection & submitting our household application to our new duty station
Dec 4th&5th - Going through and getting rid of items we definitely do not want to take with us
Dec 6th - Final & class
Dec 7th - Class & tutoring
Dec 8th - Final day of classes & tutoring some friends
Dec 9th - Tutoring some friends & final
Dec 10/11/12th - Studying and packing up clothes & other necessities we will need for the next month
Dec 13th - Final
Dec 14th - Last final && finish packing and getting rid of items that I do not want going with us
Dec 15th - Packers come & we check into a hotel
Dec 16th - Movers come and start the journey of taking our belongings to New York
Dec 17/18/19th - Cleaning apartment
Dec 20th - Sign out of Fort Polk, Louisiana, move-out inspection & journey starts to Tennessee
Dec 25th - Head to Michigan
Jan 7th - Leave for Pennslyvania
Jan 8th - Arrive in New York & check into a hotel
Jan 10th - "Report" to new duty station and move into our house
The January time table is if everything goes right and we get housing right away, which I'm really hoping that that happens.
Now, after we submit our housing application for a house in New York and my husband officially signs out of Fort Polk, we will be put on the housing waiting list. As of right now, they told me that our wait is possibly one to two months for the area we want to live in. My husband and I decided that if a house is not available by his reporting date of Jan 10th, I will stay with his family in Michigan until so. There's just no reason for the three of us to live in cramped hotel room with a dog for an unknown amount of time. Especially when my MIL loves me and would rather us move in :)
I'm terrified that I will not be properly geared for the snow - car, clothing, etc. I'm pretty sure if and while it snows in Michigan, my husband will have me out learning how to properly drive in the snow, in my car, for a good length of time each day/night. I'm actively researching online for the best clothes, jackets and boots to wear. I like to be over prepared for such occasions. I'm a planner, as noted by the fact that I made out an organized time table and posted it on my fridge.
Also, this doesn't have all the other things that I need to to do within the next few weeks. Oh no, things like change mailing address, cancel certain services, mail things, etc. was saved for another list. Ahh, there's some serious enjoyment on my end when it comes to making lists!
** Update : I've decided to link this post and cross the dates virtually like I'm completing on my fridge!
Dec 25th - Head to Michigan
Jan 7th - Leave for Pennslyvania
Jan 8th - Arrive in New York & check into a hotel
Jan 10th - "Report" to new duty station and move into our house
The January time table is if everything goes right and we get housing right away, which I'm really hoping that that happens.
Now, after we submit our housing application for a house in New York and my husband officially signs out of Fort Polk, we will be put on the housing waiting list. As of right now, they told me that our wait is possibly one to two months for the area we want to live in. My husband and I decided that if a house is not available by his reporting date of Jan 10th, I will stay with his family in Michigan until so. There's just no reason for the three of us to live in cramped hotel room with a dog for an unknown amount of time. Especially when my MIL loves me and would rather us move in :)
I'm terrified that I will not be properly geared for the snow - car, clothing, etc. I'm pretty sure if and while it snows in Michigan, my husband will have me out learning how to properly drive in the snow, in my car, for a good length of time each day/night. I'm actively researching online for the best clothes, jackets and boots to wear. I like to be over prepared for such occasions. I'm a planner, as noted by the fact that I made out an organized time table and posted it on my fridge.
Also, this doesn't have all the other things that I need to to do within the next few weeks. Oh no, things like change mailing address, cancel certain services, mail things, etc. was saved for another list. Ahh, there's some serious enjoyment on my end when it comes to making lists!
** Update : I've decided to link this post and cross the dates virtually like I'm completing on my fridge!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
It's The Silence.
Last night, my husband and I went back and forth over stupid, stupid stuff. It wasn't his fault at all and after each round, I apologized because it had nothing to do with him. Its just that I'm on an emotional high and the slightest of slights, and the. world. has. ended. He knows this and still talks to me rationally, but even I'm at the point of just wanting to punch myself in the face.
I'm a stress basket case. I don't deal with stress well. Last month when my husband and I found out that we would be leaving this state around Christmas, I was thrilled. My husband on the other hand, was worried that I would get stressed out in the short time period we were given and self-imploded. And to be honest, with school, tests and now finals approaching along with packing, moving and cleaning the apartment all at the same time - I haven't gotten stressed. It's been amazing. And it's because the busyness is saving me.
I knew we wouldn't get to spend a large amount of time with my mom and siblings over the Christmas holiday, so I asked my husband if we could spend our Thanksgiving holiday with them. And we did. We packed up and drove to Tennessee on Thanksgiving. Aside from the occasional family tiffs that we always have amongst four siblings, it was a peaceful and enjoyable time. I tell you, getting back into the car to drive 12 hours only to spend the next three weeks here - I didn't want to. But, knowing that I have school and the move, I knew these three weeks would fly by.
The thing that is stressing me out and the reason I'm on such an emotional high is that my dad got remarried. Approximately a year after he decided our family was not what he wanted anymore, he remarried some lady. While on the phone with him during Thanksgiving, he failed to mention this to me. He decided the best approach {apparently} was just to announce it on Facebook Sunday night. Yes, people - my grown father, whom I've always been exceptionally close to, announced his life changing event via a social media network. #FAIL. That's when I realized the father that I had known, and the memories that I had been clinging to for the past year to preserve that man were of no use - because my father essentially died.
My dad didn't just divorce my mom, but he removed himself from my siblings' lives slowly. He just disappeared. For this past year, I have rallied his name to them, telling them to not give up. I kept telling them that he just needed some time to figure out his new life and what he wanted. I even told this to myself over and over again for the past few months. The countless cancelations last minute, the unreturned phone calls and texts - everything. I kept telling myself that he just needed time. And then came this marriage. After months and months of some terrible lows, where I found myself pulling inward and shutting down with those that love me the most, I have come to the realization that I'm ultimately hurting myself for the sake of someone who should care and who should want to be in my life regardless if they are married to my mom or not.
So, I cut ties. I said enough was enough and that if he wants in my life, he can do it by actively participating rather than reading about it on my Facebook. More so than me deserving that amount of respect, my son deserves more than a grandparent learning about him through posts and pictures. I told my husband that I wished that my dad would have just walked away 7 years ago when he first realized the true extent of his unhappiness, but rationally, I know that it was best he hung around. My mom is in a much better place and as adults, I believe my siblings and I are more easily understanding that it has nothing to do with us. That we are not the reason that he walked out of our lives. My dad has some soul-searching to do, and I hope he finds it. But I am not longer emotionally capable of going along for that ride. In the past year, my father has slowly destroyed the previous 23 years of a relationship that I assumed would always be there. I never took my father for granted and I cherished every moment of my childhood with him. I'm one of those lucky people that never had to say they wished they did things differently when it comes to those type of relationships.
I love my dad. I do not wish him ill-will, but that whatever it is that he's seeking, he finds. I had only wished to be a part of his journey and his life. Part of this move means more than getting out of Louisiana. I'm excited because I know that when we move from this place, I can begin to protect myself better from the very deep hurt I feel and the anger that is superficially protecting it. Rather than face the reality of not being what my father deems necessary in his life, I'm sure I will tell myself it is the distance that keeps us from having that close relationship. It's not like me to tell myself such things, but I know I will. Because what rational person just ups and leaves a daughter that has loved them more than any person they will ever meet?
I'm thankful that my husband knows that I'm not really angry about him wanting people to unpack our belongings for us in New York. Nor the fact that he wants me to compromise and I just don't want to. And that I'm definitely not unhappy about doing the housework by myself, because the busyness preoccupies my mind. I cannot take the silence. The silence, like now, gives me a moment to sit down and think about the death of the father I loved and knew.
And it's in the silence that reminds me that I'm mourning a living person.
I'm a stress basket case. I don't deal with stress well. Last month when my husband and I found out that we would be leaving this state around Christmas, I was thrilled. My husband on the other hand, was worried that I would get stressed out in the short time period we were given and self-imploded. And to be honest, with school, tests and now finals approaching along with packing, moving and cleaning the apartment all at the same time - I haven't gotten stressed. It's been amazing. And it's because the busyness is saving me.
I knew we wouldn't get to spend a large amount of time with my mom and siblings over the Christmas holiday, so I asked my husband if we could spend our Thanksgiving holiday with them. And we did. We packed up and drove to Tennessee on Thanksgiving. Aside from the occasional family tiffs that we always have amongst four siblings, it was a peaceful and enjoyable time. I tell you, getting back into the car to drive 12 hours only to spend the next three weeks here - I didn't want to. But, knowing that I have school and the move, I knew these three weeks would fly by.
The thing that is stressing me out and the reason I'm on such an emotional high is that my dad got remarried. Approximately a year after he decided our family was not what he wanted anymore, he remarried some lady. While on the phone with him during Thanksgiving, he failed to mention this to me. He decided the best approach {apparently} was just to announce it on Facebook Sunday night. Yes, people - my grown father, whom I've always been exceptionally close to, announced his life changing event via a social media network. #FAIL. That's when I realized the father that I had known, and the memories that I had been clinging to for the past year to preserve that man were of no use - because my father essentially died.
My dad didn't just divorce my mom, but he removed himself from my siblings' lives slowly. He just disappeared. For this past year, I have rallied his name to them, telling them to not give up. I kept telling them that he just needed some time to figure out his new life and what he wanted. I even told this to myself over and over again for the past few months. The countless cancelations last minute, the unreturned phone calls and texts - everything. I kept telling myself that he just needed time. And then came this marriage. After months and months of some terrible lows, where I found myself pulling inward and shutting down with those that love me the most, I have come to the realization that I'm ultimately hurting myself for the sake of someone who should care and who should want to be in my life regardless if they are married to my mom or not.
So, I cut ties. I said enough was enough and that if he wants in my life, he can do it by actively participating rather than reading about it on my Facebook. More so than me deserving that amount of respect, my son deserves more than a grandparent learning about him through posts and pictures. I told my husband that I wished that my dad would have just walked away 7 years ago when he first realized the true extent of his unhappiness, but rationally, I know that it was best he hung around. My mom is in a much better place and as adults, I believe my siblings and I are more easily understanding that it has nothing to do with us. That we are not the reason that he walked out of our lives. My dad has some soul-searching to do, and I hope he finds it. But I am not longer emotionally capable of going along for that ride. In the past year, my father has slowly destroyed the previous 23 years of a relationship that I assumed would always be there. I never took my father for granted and I cherished every moment of my childhood with him. I'm one of those lucky people that never had to say they wished they did things differently when it comes to those type of relationships.
I love my dad. I do not wish him ill-will, but that whatever it is that he's seeking, he finds. I had only wished to be a part of his journey and his life. Part of this move means more than getting out of Louisiana. I'm excited because I know that when we move from this place, I can begin to protect myself better from the very deep hurt I feel and the anger that is superficially protecting it. Rather than face the reality of not being what my father deems necessary in his life, I'm sure I will tell myself it is the distance that keeps us from having that close relationship. It's not like me to tell myself such things, but I know I will. Because what rational person just ups and leaves a daughter that has loved them more than any person they will ever meet?
I'm thankful that my husband knows that I'm not really angry about him wanting people to unpack our belongings for us in New York. Nor the fact that he wants me to compromise and I just don't want to. And that I'm definitely not unhappy about doing the housework by myself, because the busyness preoccupies my mind. I cannot take the silence. The silence, like now, gives me a moment to sit down and think about the death of the father I loved and knew.
And it's in the silence that reminds me that I'm mourning a living person.
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