Today I'm Wearing Purple To Remember And To Say Enough Is Enough.

Sorry that I've been MIA from the blog and from continuing my 30-day meme. I plan to return to it soon. Just midterms and the likes have been slightly overwhelming.

I'm taking a break from writing papers and studying to write about something very near and dear to my heart ... bullying. Especially the bullying of my brother.

If you haven't heard, a lot of youth have been committing suicide in recent weeks due to bullying. The reasons include because they were gay, had learning disabilities or because they didn't look, talk, or come from families that have been "approved" socially acceptable.  Their peers decided the worth of their lives and because of that, they ended them.

When I was younger and in seventh and eighth grade, I was what was termed a 'mean girl.' Back then, I had no idea I was a mean girl. I just made fun of people and laughed at them. You can say karma hit me full force when I entered high school and the mean girls turned on me. I remember just wanting to hide my freshman year of high school, it was that bad. I was taunted, picked on, called names, and even threatened several times. There were many days I didn't want to go to school because I didn't want to see those girls that somehow, made it a point every day to make me feel worthless. I cannot even begin to count the number of days where I felt scared to go and therefore, hid out in classrooms that I knew I would be protected by the teachers.

At some point, it became easier and the things they said didn't matter to me anymore. However, that wasn't the case for my brother.

My brother was teased from about 6th grade until we graduated. He was different and because of that, our peers decided that he should feel like he was worthless. What I felt for the first few years of high school doesn't compare to the actual torment that my brother endured on an every day basis. When the mean girls moved on, my brother still dealt with bullying.

You see, my brother is gay and living in a small town, made of country folk, there was no place to be different. He endured gay slurs all day long : faggot, queer, homo, queen, fairy, flamer ... just to name a few. Every day, all day long. The bullying escalated to the point that he was being pushed and shoved. And from there, escalated to people attacking him in places that they knew teachers weren't and that the cameras didn't show. I'm not sure how he survived it for so long, but he did. I say survived, because it wasn't just going to school and learning but rather, he had to push through and find a way to live every day at school.

If I saw something or heard something, I stepped in. I would physically put myself between the boys that picked on my brother and him. I would yell and dare them to hit me instead. To say the things they said to him to say to me. Majority of the time, they walked away. I stopped caring about what was said about me, I just wanted it to stop for my brother. I just wanted him to have one day that he would enjoy of our years together in high school. I know he didn't like his little sister stepping in and say something on his behalf, but there was just nothing that was going to stop me. I was tired of seeing him pushed around and made to feel like he was beneath all the losers that we had to attend school with.

The height of the bullying came after it was found out that he had his belly button pierced. My brother wasn't exactly "out" but he was making no effort anymore to cover up who he was. I remembered when people were coming up to me and asking me about it - I had no clue and told them I didn't know what they were talking about. I found my brother later in the morning and asked him about it, in which he told me it was true and that he didn't care anymore. I felt two things: Pride that he was being himself and then fear for what he was about to endure because I knew it was coming. There were too many assholes in our class to let something like that go. And they didn't.

A few weeks later, I went and knocked on my brother's bedroom door to check on him. He had been in his room for majority of the afternoon and my dad wanted me to check on him. I knocked and knocked, and he didn't answer. When I opened it up, he was on the floor, in a ball and crying. The emotional, verbal and physical abuse that he endured on a constant basis to get an education had taken a toll. He could no longer 'survive' in that setting. On the floor beside him, laid the note he had written to say goodbye. You see, suicide was a very real thought on his mind. He had tried and tried to let the things go, to not let others define him, but after the relentless abuse that he received he couldn't anymore. They broke him.

To this day, I think about what if I had not checked on him? What if I would have let him be when he didn't answer the door? What would my life be without my brother? Things that I am so very thankful that I do not have to think about, imagine or live through.  My parents made the decision to pull my brother out of school and after speaking with the principal, my brother was able to finish his education in the safety of our home and earn his diploma.

He missed all of our senior year activities, including prom - everything.

Six months after my brother stopped attending school, we arrived for graduation night. As we were lined up and waiting for them to start, the taunts started again ... queer, fag ... and I had enough. I remember stepping out of line, walking back to the asshole in particular that was ruining our night and said this, "You've taken everything from him, can't you just give him one night that he'll remember of his days in high school not ruined by your shitty remarks?" Somehow, I got through to him and he shut up. That night I was able to graduate next to my brother.

With all these recent suicides, the memory of our senior year finds its way back to the front of my thoughts. I'm thankful that I have my brother and I could not imagine my life without him in it. I'm thankful that this taught me to stand up for not only myself, but for those that I love. It taught me to have empathy for others

Today I will wear purple to remember those that have ended their lives because of anti-gay bullying. 

Enough is enough.